Here’s some stuff you may find amusing…..
Some funny questions from Peter Kay:
– Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no-one would eat?
– In France, is ‘French kissing’ just called ‘kissing’?
– Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous, when the first thing you do is stand up and say, “My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic”?
“Love is blind, but marriage opens the eyes” – anonymous
A JOKE ABOUT MARRIAGE
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other, except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one
day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would
not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man
took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money, totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. “When we were to be married,” she said, “my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.”
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two
precious dolls were in the box. She had been angry with him only two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with
“Honey,” he said, “that explains the doll, but what about all of this
money? Where did it come from?”
“Oh,” she said, “that’s the money I made from selling the dolls.”
A JOKE ABOUT WASPS
Brian, the world’s leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. “Just Released – New LP – Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make – available now”
Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop. “I am the world’s leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I’d very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window.”
“Certainly, Sir,” says the young man behind the counter. “If you’d like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I’ll put the LP on for you.”
Brian, the world’s leading expert on European wasps, goes into the booth and puts on the earphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, “I am the world’s leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those.”
“I’m sorry Sir”, says the young assistant. “If you’d care to step into the booth, Ican let you have another 10 minutes.”
Brian, the world’s leading expert on European wasps and the sounds they make, steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. “I don’t understand it”, he says, “I am the world’s leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can’t recognise any of those!”
“I really am terribly sorry”, says the young assistant…”I’ve just realised what is wrong – I was playing you the bee side!”